Your tone sets the tone

 Your tone sets the tone. 

I like to think that I am the face of the recreational program here at Impact, but the reality is that besides for a few emails, some practices if you attend the group sessions and the occasional drop by at your games, the real face of the program is you. When our membership thinks about the program, the first thing they will recall is you and how you helped their child grow and develop as a person. 

While most of your interactions with the players happen during practice, there is one time when your interactions are apparent to others as well and that is during the game. Not only is the other team there, but also some collection of parents, grandparents, siblings and friends may also be in attendance. While your parents may be accustomed to your behaviors and what you say, others may not be, especially if they are only visiting our club. 

As a long-time teacher I am very aware that even though we are ostensibly there to watch the children play, that we are also performing. Last weekend when I was working with a U8 team that had mostly new players and new coaches, I was out on the field ALOT and very vocal. Generally speaking, you know that I want you to be less visible during games with your voice and let the kids play while you analyze what they are doing to inform what you need to do next in your practices. Talking to the subs on the sideline is a much more effective way to have an impact on the game and the players than second-guessing their actions during the run of play. 

So we know there is going to be a variation in how much you are “performing” during the game. Part of that is your personality and part of that is the needs/age of your players. Within that variation, there are things we definitely don’t want to do. 

Soccer is a physical game and contact between players happens all the time. That contact is generally allowed by the rules of the game, but even then there are things that are not allowed. Shoulder-to-shoulder contact is allowed and even helps players create separation between players so that one can protect the ball as in a shield and turn. Using the arm to shove a player to the ground is not allowed. The difference between the two actions may be hard for a spectator to discern and even our referees can miss this in a game. 

This is where your tone will matter. When a player challenges another player for the ball and uses a fair shoulder charge to do so, the other player may fall down. As a coach how do you respond? If you have been teaching them how to shield and turn and that is the first time you have seen your player do that, you may want to reward that player with a “good job.” That’s probably appropriate. If you instead celebrate the physical contact and putting the other player on the ground with a response like “way to put her on the ground,” or something similar, then that can be perceived by others as encouraging aggressive behavior. 

This is particularly true if we are looking at slide tackles. Slide tackles are never allowed in rec soccer, even at the U19 level. As a player, I once broke my own leg attempting a slide tackle. They are dangerous for both the tackler and the intended target. Kids want to work hard to get the ball, occasionally they may slide to save a ball from going out of bounds or to get to a ball first, but they are never allowed to try to tackle the ball away. Your response to a player making a slide tackle should never be positive and might instead be grounds for a substitution to talk about it. 

To summarize, you are the face of the organization and your behavior during games is viewed by many people, not just the members of your team and their parents. While we want to provide support and feedback to our players during games, tone matters. As I detail in my post a good game spoiled, the behavior of the coaches influences the behavior of the players AND parents. Keep that in mind as you coach this weekend and try your best to set a positive tone for all.